Trauma

I hate you trauma, you brought me so much pain
I love you trauma, you made me who I am

Suffering so intense, I want to curse and bleed
A light shines through it and my spirit is freed

The guilt and blame of a foolish choice
My course shall be set by my inner voice

Feeling uncomfortable and ashamed
Forgotten parts of me shall be reclaimed

Shall I delve into addiction again
Or find in myself the conviction to change

Overwhelmed by memories of failure I crack
Digging deep into myself, I get my soul back

Emotional drama, a hurricane of feeling
Reveals to me what I should be healing

How many times will balance be disturbed?
As many as it takes to reach a state superb

Heart terrorized and paralyzed in fear
Inevitably leads me to a truth most dear

I will always be susceptible to damage
But this is something I can manage

Even when I desire not to exist
A strength in me awakens to resist

Tormenting withdrawal in doubt and insecurity
Daring to be confident with courage and maturity

Thoughts racing, finding obstacles ahead
Conscious in the now shall I be until I'm dead

Alienated from others, broken and alone
Love saturates my essence to the bone